Entering the realm of parenting can often resemble embarking on an expedition without a compass. You encounter a flurry of experiences, ranging from sleepless nights to the vibrant chaos of your little ones discovering the world around them. Yet amid the laughter are the inevitable challenging moments, like when your toddler has a full-blown meltdown in the grocery aisle. Such scenarios are ones that no degree of preparation can entirely brace you for.
You may feel as though you’re on a rollercoaster, striving to quell a tempest. While it’s impossible to completely evade tantrums, there are strategies to manage them that can make the experience more bearable for everyone involved. Gabriel Hannans, an educator and registered behavioral technician, offers valuable insights on how to handle these difficult episodes without unwittingly aggravating the situation.
In a recent TikTok video, he presented a crucial insight: “You’re not causing tantrums, but you might be feeding them without even realizing it.” Let’s delve deeper into that perspective.
A common instinct during a meltdown is the urge to rush in and “fix” the issue. It’s understandable—no one wants to be the parent who faces the judgmental gazes of onlookers while your child cries as if their world is collapsing. However, Hannans cautions that attempting to resolve it too quickly doesn’t dissipate the built-up energy; instead, it accumulates, much like a pressurized soda can that’s waiting to burst again.
Rather, take a moment to breathe and ride out the storm. If you’ve worked with your child on emotional regulation, it’s time to encourage them to use those skills. Don’t feel the need to “fix” their feelings. Sometimes, simply being a calm presence is the most effective approach. While you may not eliminate the tantrum, you provide a stabilizing influence, guiding them through the emotional tumult.
Another common mistake is inadvertently shaming your child. Phrases like “Big kids don’t act like that” or “You’re so embarrassing!” do little to help; they can deeply affect your child, making them feel wrong for expressing their emotions. Instead of responding with shame, strive to acknowledge their feelings. Remind them that emotions are a normal part of life and that it’s how we react to those feelings that truly matters. Validating their emotions can be incredibly powerful, offering them comfort in feeling seen and understood.
Hannans also points out that inconsistent boundaries can intensify tantrums. Children are keen observers and will often test your reactions. They resemble little scientists exploring cause and effect. If they’ve realized that throwing a tantrum worked once to obtain their wishes, they’re prone to trying it again. Establish some non-negotiables and adhere to them. Such consistency fosters trust and helps your child understand which behaviors are unacceptable.
Moreover, attempting to reason with a child amid a tantrum can feel like speaking another language. Hannans compares it to explaining taxes to someone in a state of panic—it simply won’t resonate. Instead, hone in on helping them calm down. Use a gentle tone and minimize your words. Deep breathing exercises can be incredibly effective, gradually guiding them back to a phase where rational conversations can happen.
Lastly, pay attention to potential triggers. If your child often experiences meltdowns when they are hungry, thirsty, tired, or overwhelmed, it’s crucial to identify these patterns. Consistently stepping into the same difficulties and expecting a different outcome is similar to stumbling into the same pothole repeatedly and wondering why your ankle is sore. If you know shopping trips frequently lead to tantrums, taking proactive steps to manage those circumstances can yield significant improvements. A simple solution, such as bringing along a snack or selecting a quieter environment, could prevent potential troubles.
Addressing your child’s tantrums—though entirely normal at this stage—can be distressing. However, implementing various strategies and gaining understanding can help smooth the path for both of you. After all, you’re not navigating this journey alone; many parents face similar challenges, learning to navigate one tantrum at a time.
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